My obsession
by BaybePain
Summary: Hinata was sold to the Kazekage as his slave and then made his wife. Now a year later near her twentieth birthday Hinata must find a way to survive and escape from the one who loves her the most. Her captor.
1. his love her fear

Hinata looked down at him as she stroked his soft red hair. Her husband. Thats what he was now. She smirked, from slave to wife. Sold by her father to the man sleeping in her lap. She used to a ninja, respected and happy. Now...

Gaara shifted in her lap and looked up at her.

"Hinata..."

She smiled, even through all of her hardships, she liked Gaara. On the days when he wasn't in a rage and let out his frustration on her, he was kind and caring... but those times seemed to be getting farther and farther spread apart. She pushed the thought away.

"Yes, Kazekage-sama?" she whispered and he scowled.

"why do you insist on calling me that?" he asked his voice low and on the edge of anger.

She smoothed his hair again. "because that would be what you are. The kazekage and my master." she answered soothingly but Gaara sat up.

"But my name is Gaara! Hinata. Its Gaara." he said and she sighed.

They had known each other since she was thirteen, they even dated once... but he had to go back to Suna. A year before she was sold to him and made his wife and bject of brutality.

"You used to always call me by my name when we were younger. My feelings since then hasn't changed..." he said and she shut her eyes, not wnating to rememeber that.

Because if she did, the memory of him now would taint that.

She bowed her head. "Sorry. Gaara."

He looked up at her for a long time and then gently rested his head on her shoulder, his arm around her waist. She placed a hand on his hair and the other on his back.

"You really must hate me..."

She stiffened slightly and he sighed against her shoulder. She quickly appeased him before he could get angry and something terrible could come of it. She kissed his hair.

"No. I dont hate you." she paused." Gaara. I would never hate you. Just sometimes I get confused. Thats all." she whispered and he laid her down on the bed. and kissed her forehead.

"thanks.. I'm trying though. I'm really trying to control myself." he said softly and she fought hard to keep her doubts and worries from her face but he saw them like he saw her face and he pulled away.

She wanted so desperatelyto call for him to come back but she touched the bruise on her cheek that was just starting to turn purple, and it shut her up. She watched as her husband walked out of the room, whispering goodnight.

She shut her eyes, never falling asleep. As he came back in after two hours and twelve minutes (she had been counting) he came back in and climed into bed. She slowly and inconspicously started to shift, untill she rolled over and snuggled into his chest. She only did this because she felt terrible for making him feel guilty.

She felt his hand on his hair as his sand drew the balnkets over them.

"I love you." he whispered.

_i hate you_. A part of her thought.

Next morning

Hinata gently pulled her hair into a ponytail when he felt her behin him.

" I hate it when you put your hair up." Gaara said with a sigh and she turned to look at him, somehow, because of last night she averted her eyes.

"Sorry.. I-I'm going to go out-" she stopped when Gaara raised an eyebrow. "dont worry, I'll just be going to shop with Temari..."

Gaara rolled his eyes,"No."

She opened her mouth to object but she shut it just as quick and locked away her emotions. She nodded.

"Okay." she said and took down her hair.

Gaara watched as she walked out to the balcony, watching the city go by her. She was so angry ahse wanted to throw herself down and die. She could never do anything! A husband wouldnt contain his wife like a prisoner or rape her because he had a bad day. She sat down on the stone floor of the balcony and peered through the bars. A prison.

Gaara hated doing this to her, but she had tried to run away twice... he couldnt risk losing her again. He knew if she left and was found later, he would surely kill her... so he was protecting her in his own way by keeping her locked inside this house.

Temari came in all smiles. "Are you ready Hinata?" she asked walking past Gaara to where Hinata was sitting.

"I'm sorry Temari. I cant go with you." Gaara heard her give a small reply and he inwardly smacked hiimself in the face.

"GAARA YOU ASSHOLE!" Temaris voice blared and she stormed back in.

"Whats your issue? She's going to be with me! Why not let her go and I know its you who's not letting her go." she growled and Hinata saw Gaara's eyes narrow.

"She is my wife! Therefore I will do whatever I want." he said shortly and Temari snorted.

"No! A husband wouldnt lock her up like a slave... oh wait thats what you bought her for in the first place!" she shouted. " You treat her like a child and you hurt her.. you dont even care! Have you ever stopped to think that maybe if you were a little less selfish-"

"Stop it Temari." hinata said shakingly and they looked at her. "Just stop fighting! Please..."she whimpered and he took a step toward her but she ran to the balcony.

"No! No!" she shouted tears in her eyes. "You cant do what you want! Don't hurt me..."

Gaara pulled her sharply into his chest. "Temari. Get the hell out. She'll be ready to go in a few minutes."

Temari knew he hated to see her tears and he was doing this only to keep her from jumping off that balcony. She nodded and walked out.

Hinata slumped against him, trying hard not to cry, Gaara eased her into his lap as he sat down on the bed.

"Hinata.. Hinata please stop crying. I'm sorry it went that far." he whispered and he waited as she softly stopped her crying.

He wiped away her tears and touched the bruise on her cheek lightly before looking away.

"You should get ready... Temari is waiting for you." he whispered.

He let her stand and she returned to press her warm lips to his. He shivered and pulled her to him and this time she didn't fight it, she moved with him and when he pulled away she was smiling at him her cheeks flushed.

"I love you." he blurted and she froze.

He quickly amended himself. "I meant.. I love it when you kiss me."

But the damage was done and hinata was pushing her fingers together and tying her hair back in a ponytail.

"hinata."

She jumped, startled. "No. You can't trick me. I know you dont mean it.. your trying to trick me." she said backing up into the wall her eyes wide with fright, her mind on the edge of a psychotic break.

he cringed. "I'm... not... I'm sorry.. Hinata... I'm not trying to trick you."

She watched him carefully and then slowly walked backwards to the door and she bowed.

"...Hai. Kazekage- Gaara. " she said and ran out.

Gaara growled as he sunk into his bed. If she didn't hate him before she sure hates him now!

_Nice going Gaara._

Shukaku had long been expelled but instead he was left with an angry other self. HE growled.

**SHUT UP! I know she will love me.**

_Even if you have to force her?_

The question lingered dangerously in his mind.

up next

More to come! Read and review. Next chapter is a bit longer.


	2. confessions, contradictions

Hinata rushed downstairs, practically running for her life. She didn't want Gaara to become angry with her and come after her, right as she was getting a little freedom. She reached Temari quickly who brushed off her frantic look and took her by the arm with a grin.

"Alright Hinata. It's time to go SHOPPING!" Temari exclaimed and she pulled her sister in law out onto the street.

People immediantly turned their eyes toward the two women. Many men tried to hold back their whistles but the first look at Hinata's long indigo hair, lithe body, and china eyes it took alot of effort most men didn't have. Hinata blushed a few shades of pink and temari elbowed her playfully.

"Come on. They like you. Maybe not the best like but you are their Kazekage's wife,might as well get used to it and wave." Temari whispered in her ear and hinata hesitantly waved before going red and dropping it.

Temari shook her head and once more tugged Hinata along.

Hinata's skin was noticeably pale from being kept inside. As they walked along the streets of Suna an old woman stopped them with a basket.

The woman who was bent over and heavily wrinkled looked up at Hinata with sad eyes. Temari sighed and told Hinata to wait there as she went to a fruit stand.

"Here." she said handing the basket to Hinata. "I know the look in your eyes just like I know that the sky is blue. Take this. It'll come in handy one day."

Hinata shook her head. "No.. I can't take this..you keep it-"

The woman cut her off with a scowl."Child. I am over a hundred years old and I have seen life and its shadows, now take this... I was once in the same place you are."

hinata looked closer at the woman, the indigo hair and opal eyes and she took a shaky step forward and put her hand to the woman's cheek.

"w-What is your name?" Hinata asked shakily and the woman smiled her eyes taking a devilish glint.

"HINATA!"

Hinata didn't look away to Temari, who had shouted, because the woman's grin widened and then the woman walked around her and when Hinata turned around a wind picked up, sand whipping in her face and when it settled she was gone.

"Hinata freak wind huh... hey, whats up? Your face is all red. That lady say something?" Temari asked panting with a basket of grapes dangling from her arms.

Hinata looked at her frantically and then away.

"No...no. Nothing, come on.. it'll be dark in a few hours." hinata said taking her arm, a protective insticnt kicking in as she brought Temari ontot he shops a fw blocks away.

Temari was glad Hinata suddenly wanted to go shopping and her eyes brightened and her voice got a little louder. hinata found herself smiling and enojoying the conversation, but the woman she encountered scared her. If that woman was herself in 80 years... then Gaara didn't kill her.. or was that why the woman came to give her the basket she hadn't looked in yet? To warn her and save her from her prisons.

'Hinata? You alright?" temari asked as she lifted a simple violet dress to Hinata's shoulder's. "You seem a bit scatterbrained. Thinking about Gaara?"

Hinata bit her lip and nodded, her thoughts switching from the mysterious woman to Gaara.

"Well what's wrong, something happened?" Temari asked lowering the dress, a look of immense concern coming into her features.

Hinata took a deep breath. "He told me.. he told me he loved me."

There was a moment of silence and Hinata waited anxiously.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? GAARA SAID-"

Hinata jabbed Temari in herthe stomach to keep her quiet.

"Shut up Temari! People are watching!" Hinata cried her face deep red.

Temari was too busy laughing to notice, but then suddenly she stopped. "Wait.. do you love him back?"

hinata said nothing and turned back to the shopping and she raised the dress to he shoulders by herself.

"Temari. This is nice. Do you think I would look good in it?" Hinata asked and Teamri snatched the dress away.

"Forget the dress- but yes you would- and answer my question?" temari said stomping her foot.

Hinata bawled her fists anger swelling. "I don't know. I'm afriad if I let myself then he'll.. Temari I'm frigtened. I want to love him.. really but.. I'm afraid." she whispered and Teamri took her by the shoulders.

"Listen Hinata. Gaara has never cared for anyone but himself all his life... and then when you guys were younger I knew he was happy.. now. I know he fights with himself every day for your safety. He will do anything to keep from hurting you. I know how you feel but he's fighting every day... at least know that." she said and Hinata nodded.

"i know. I do. I just can't help it." Hinata whispered and Temari gave in.

"Alright, but tonight talk to him." she said and before Hinata could object Temari buried herself in more clothes.

At the end of the day, Hinata was exhausted and still she hadn't a chance to peek into the basket as they found themselves back at home.

Hinata and Temari came inside bags on their wrists and Gaara was at the door waiting for them.

"Hinata. Let's talk." he said and Temari and her exchanged glances.

"I'll send them up as soon as I get my things out." Temari said as she took the bags and the basket to her room, without Hianta's objection or reply.

Hinata silently followed Gaara into their room. Her breath was becoming shaky and Gaara felt her fear. He wanted so terribly to pull her close but he didn't want to scare her.

"Hinata." he began softly as he watched her careful movements.

"Yes Gaara?"

he shivered in that voice. He hated his name but when she said it he didn't wish for any other.

"What I said this morning... Your right. I didn't mean it."

Hinata fell dead silent and cold. In a way she was relived but that anger was slowly overcoming it.

"Oh. but I thought-"

"You thought wrong." Gaara said coldly and he felt his alter self take over and for once he let it take over, for her sake.

He stepped toward her menancingly. "I am the Kazekage Hinata. You are a bought and paid for slave. No better then a whore." he said a small sand fist hitting the wall beside her head.

She let out a sharp cry and looked down, tears staining her eyes.

"I'm not.." she took a deep breath and then shoved Gaara, surprise flooding his eyes." Im not a whore!" she shouted punching him but he was ready this time and his sand locked around her wrist and slammed her inoto the opposite wall.

Black spots filled her vision as Gaara's alter ego licked his lip as he watched the blood run down Hinata's face.

He felt something prick his neck and he reached back and plucked out a needle.

"Oh, so it's a fight you want you bitch?" He growled and slammed her against the door the doorknob smacking painfully against her back.

She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of her screams instead she spit at him.

"Go to hell you piece of-" She was cut off by a sharp impact to her stomach.

**NO**

Gaara took control just then as his sand impaled Hinata's stomach.

"No..no.no. dammit. Hinata look at me." he cried as he withdrew his sand and Hinata fell into his arms.

Her eyes were looking up at him and she turned her face away as blood dripped from her mouth. Gaara turned her face back as he shouted for help.

"Hinata.. I'm sorry, that wasn't me.. I'm so-"

"Shh Gaara..." she whispered leaning against his chest. "Don't talk. at least let me pretend I'll die loved in your arms." she said and he shook his head.

"No your going to be okay dammit." he said firmly as Temari came in.

"Jesus Gaara what the hell happened?" Temari shouted and took Hinata into his arms and ran downstairs to the medic.

"I love him." Hinata whispered her mind reeling as the blood seeped out from the wound.

Then she passed out.

end of this chapter

Will Hinata wake up? Duh of course she will! Next chapter coming soon.


	3. wake up

..Love me.. that's all I ever wanted from you.

Love.

That's all I will ever seek.

...And now look at what I've done. By trying to protect you...

I let my hand graze over your pale cheek, wondering how you can live in the desert with such pale cheeks. Hinata, I never meant for it to go that far.. I would never want to hurt you.. I was just-.. so sorry.

"Please, wake up. Kami I beg you." I whispered, my voice desperate for yours. "I know I don't deserve you, but just wake up and I'll change. I promise.. please.." I begged, my voice not even a whisper anymore.

"The truth is... I love you." I said and like a child I expected you to respond but you didn't.

You remained motionless and I let out a strangled cry.

"I cant live without you." I said as my mind raced to the point of suicide, and I pulled out a kunai. "I won't."

I looked up as you let out a small cry, like a moan when someone is sleeping pleasantly. I let the kunai drop, my thoughts swept away as you rolled over on your side and slept on.

The doctors said you may not wake up... but they're wrong...

You'll wake up and be with me. Maybe not forgive me but be with me.

Your love- even if its fake- is all I will ever need from you. I let my lips linger against yours for a moment and t hen stared at you.

Your eyelids flickered, but didn't open. Your lips were pale and pouted which only made me kiss them again. I stroke your tussled indigo hair, part of me hoping you would open your eyes.

After a few moments, disappointment washed over me, when I realized that you would remain sleeping and would withhold your voice as long as you wanted. I sighed, at least there was an ounce of hope.

"Forgive me.. I was just trying to protect you." I whispered before turning away from her form.

Thinking of how this is my fault.

xlovex

Hinata was awake, but she was good at acting. She heard him speak, she felt him touch her. All the while lying there, petrified by rage and fear.

"The truth is... I love you."

How can you say that!? She thought. How can you keep going back in forth...Why?

"Oh Kami... I can't love him. If I do.. it'll only be worse." she thought and remained quiet.

She heard the kunai be pulled out and she decided to make some kind of noise to keep him from killing himself. She turned on her side and with a sigh of relief heard the kunai clatter to the floor and his warm hands graze against her skin. She heard him whisper in his ears and then his footsteps and the door close.

She wanted so bad to bring him into her arms, and tell him she forgave him and she did love him. But that was not the case anymore, he almost killed her. She couldn't.

As she lay there, she formulated her plans of escape. Her ultimate revenge. At this thought a tear escaped her closed eyes. She didn't want to hurt him anymore then he hurt her... but she had to leave, who knows what would happen next time.

She may not wake at all.

xlovex

Gaara stepped out of the room and Temari stood up.

"Is she alright? Did she wake up?" Temari asked hurriedly and Gaara shook his head.

"She'll be fine. She made a bit of noise and rolled on her side, but that's all." he replied softly and Temari scowled and sat back down.

"You really fucked it up this time." she muttered and threw up her hands. "What is your deal Gaara? I know you love her. She told me-"

"Wait what?" Gaara asked and Temari rolled her eyes.

"She told me about what you said.. she told me.. she was afraid of you but... she wanted to love you and she thought she did.." Temari admitted, her eyes heavy with pain. "I can only wonder what she'll think now."

Gaara stood, stunned and immovable. Temari's words repeating like a broken record and his heart constricted him.

"You think she'll wake up?" Temari asked and he looked up and then away.

"I hope so.. She doesn't even have to forgive me.. I just need her to wake up." Gaara said his voice once more heavy with guilt and shame.

he looked around the shabby hospital, the smell of them made him want to regurgitate last months meal. He didn't want to be depressed and Temari silently thought the same thing.

"Gaara, go get her some sunflowers. She would want o see something bright in this dank place. "Temari suggested and Gaara hesitated.

"Go you weirdo! I'll get you if anything changes." Temari ordered and for once he was glad for her domineering gene and obeyed without another word.

xlovex

Temari watched him go and waited before going in.

"I know your awake Hinata. Open your eyes."

She stared at hinat's unmoving body and smacked her leg, none too lightly.

"Come on. Get up. We have to have a conversation."

Once more there was nothing until her lips parted.

"What do you want Temari?"

xlovex

**I know this was short but I needed to get something up. I will have more up in a few days. I PROMiSE THIS TIME!! PROMISE!**


	4. plans

"What do you want Temari?"

"I knew you were awake Hinata." Temari said a touch of anger and relief in her voice. "Why are you pretending to him that you are still unconcious?" she asked her voice rising a touch high.

Hinata sat up and raised an eyebrow at her. "Why? You know why, you saw what he did to me and I'm sure you've overheard his tirades. So do not ask me why." she said coldly and Temari almost jumped, her voice was so shocking.

Temari was silent for a moment. " How long have you been awake?"

Hinata took a deep breath. "Four days." she answered now calm and peaceful.

Temari sat on a stool, preparing to say what she had been thinking for a long time. "Hinata, I know you are afraid of him... I understand, but you should try to keep in your mind that not only is he trying his best so that when you wake up to him you can accept him, but that you are the only think important to him in the entire world. No, it doesn't make his actions right, no it doesn't balance a thing but it's the truth. Gaara has his reasons for doing what he does and most of them is to protect you."

Hinata was silent and Temari watched her hand drift to her stomach. "I wanted to give him a baby. I wanted to give him the entire world. I realize now that can never happen.. you see you are right about Gaara, but I know it is too late for us. I loved him more then anything in this world, but that doesn't change anything either." she whispered.

Temari stared at her in frozen shock but finally she regained the ability to speak. "Please Hinata, one more time. I know it's ridiculous but at least talk to him, let him know you are awake and you do love him- I swear it will be different." she pleaded and Hinata sighed and stared out the window.

She loved him. She loved him. She was disgusted with herself but she did. Gaara could be no one elses but hers and she the same. She laid back on the bed and gave a small smile.

"I will think of it Temari. For now, let me seep." she said closing her opalescent eyes.

Temari was relieved heavily, if Hinata was going to at least think about it then maybe that would be enough. She turned on her heel and walked out as Gaara came walking down the hall a huge bundle of sunflowers in his arms.

She smiled at him and he peered through the petals.

"I got these." he stated proudly and she nodded.

"Any change?" he asked and Temari nodded again.

"She was calling out your name when she was sleeping.. I think... go sit by her, she'll love them." Temari whispered and Gaara smiled before walking in.

At first he wasn't sure what to do with the bundle of flowers so he put them on a dresser by the window so she would be bale to see them in the sun. He sat down by her side and looked at her for the long time. Somewhere, deep down, he wanted to shake her awake, but he didn't, instead he took her hand in his and fell to sleep.

...

Hinata felt warmth and slowly opened her eyes. The moment she did she wanted to shut them but Gaara's head which was lolled on the bedside in sleep, fell off and he jerked up, seeing her face.

At first it was silence as they looked at each other. Hinata giving him a small smile at his clumsiness. This spurred him to speak.

"I-I brought you... sunflowers.. Theyre your favorite." he said quietly and she turned head to see the mass of golden petals.

Though her heart was still deeply wounded she managed to feel that bit of glee. She turned back to Gaara and looked at him tenderly.

"They're beautiful.. thanks." she whispered and he looked away but only for a second.

"Hinata... I cannot ask for your forgiveness- though I desperately want it.. I know what I've done to you and-" he stopped his breathing becoming harsh and stressed.

She let herself be his wife then and stroked her thumb across his hand.

"I'm so sorry. You can't imagine... I'm so.." he had to stop as he lifted her up and held her.

"Shh..It's alright now...I'm here." she whispered soothingly, as she stroked his hair.

"...hinata? are you feeling alright? I can leave if you want me too." gaara said pulling away and looking at her.

She inclined her head and a part of her felt a pang of fear at the image of her turning him away. She shook her head and put her forehead on his chest.

"gaara, my heart hurts. Everything else is fine..it's just I'm broken now, worse then before. Even though you did all those other things to me I knew you still cared but now-"

Gaara kissed her forehead and smoothed her hair. "I've always cared about you.. even when I let my demon run free I did it so you wouldn't be scared away. I was afraid of losing you... I never stopped for an instant.. I never stopped caring about you." he told her holding her close.

She could smell the sunflowers in his clothes and decided not to push the subject and silently agree. She entwined her fingers with his and suddenly she felt something wet drop against her cheek.

"Gaara-" she stopped because she saw he was crying silently.

"You won't be able to love me at all now..." he said she knew that this was probably true and he saw her answer in her eyes before she could suppress it.

She wasn't going to give him false hope, so she stayed quiet and let him cry. After a little while she wiped away his tears.

"I don't understand you Gaara.." she said softly. "My life here has been pools of torture with drops of happiness... Stop dragging this on.. end it for both of us.. Kill me now or I might do it myself." she said and his eyes widened and body stiffened in horror.

He stood and began to pace shaking his head and she watched him with nothing but intense curiosity.

"No! NO!" he shouted angrily. " I will not do that to you.. Hinata maybe what your telling me is true but that's over now and I wont lay a hand on you..Please.." he pleaded taking her hands in his. "Hinata. I know I don't deserve this but promise me you'll give me a bit of time.. a week.. and if there's any indication I've changed.. I'll let you leave." he whispered.

Hinata's steady gaze was a glare and she pulled her hands from his. She was angry, he saw, and desperate.

After a moment of silence Gaara looked at the door. "I'm going to get a doctor to check on you.. I'll be right back. I promise." he whispered, kissing her hand jumping from the bed.

She was glad there was distance now, it made things easier. Now she had to think of a way to leave Suna, but that.. that would take time... and she was.. tired now... she would form her plans at a later date.

She took one more look at the flowers before closing her eyes.

**This is also short but dont worry the next one is long and will take up most of my time to make. I know Im not the most consistent updater and Im really sorry. I dont have internet at my house so it takes me a little while. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed and I'd like reviews on every chapter to see how you like my story and to give it direction on where YOU would like it to do.**


	5. exchange

Gaara took her hand as he led her to a new home he had built for them. It had three rooms, a spacious living room, kitchen, patio, and two bathrooms. Hinata had watched Gaara closely, she had barely spoken to him the week after she was dispatched from the hospital and he seemed not to mind, though deep down she knew it did.

The house was breathtaking, the outside resembled a smooth adobe, like most of the Suna homes, but it had beautiful desert flowers, lining the outside walls. There was two floors and a balcony, that she hoped connected to her room, if it did she would spend her days reading on it. It struck a chord in her chest that she could picture living her entire life here... it scared her that for one second she believed she could spend the rest of her days in this house.

"Hinata?" Gaara asked, interrupting her thoughts. "Do you like it?"

She said nothing and then turned to look at him for a moment. "I think... That it is beautiful... thank you." she whispered, and kissed his cheek to prove she meant it.

She smiled again as he blushed and he muttered something to the effect of 'it was no big deal.' After realizing his bashfulness he straightened up and cleared his throat.

"I'm glad you like it. Would you like to see the inside? I'd love to you show it to you?" He asked quickly, trying to hold back the pleading in his eyes.

Hinata nodded, turning back to the house. "Of course.. but shouldn't you be taking care of that delegate that has visited? I would hate to interrupt your duties as Kazekage." Hinata spoke as he led her by the hand inside.

He shook his head fervently. "No. I have assigned Temari to handle him, since I'm not very good at 'taking care' of delegates and such." he shrugged, thinking. "Besides, I'm sure any man would rather spend a day with you then some boring delegate from an unknown country.. especially me." he said meeting her eyes with a smile.

She returned it back but quickly turned away, not letting the moment go any further. Gaara frowned, a sad gleam in his eyes. He hated when she suddenly cut short events such as this. His heart panged painfully in his chest as she slipped her hand out of his. He cleared his throat, the insult burning it and then put on a placid face.

He turned on the lamp so she could see the inside of their home. She gasped when she saw the kitchen, which made him smile. Her eyes lit up at the cookstove and food storager. She looked at the sleek cherry wood table and turned back to him.

"I cannot WAIT to cook." she said and then she hurried past him into the living room.'

"Oh wow, these cushions are so soft..." she noted to herself.

It went on like that, her pointing out different things in the house.

Gaara eventually led her to a bedroom, sparsely furnished, but the blankets were soft.

"And this is-" he paused and she knew he was going to say 'our room'." My room." he said and she spun around, confusion in her face.

"What?" she asked and he nodded.

"This is my room... as in.. I sleep in here." he said softly and took her hand leading her to a room adjacent to his.

He opened the door and she saw the white walls and white large bed. It had an end table beside it, with a blue glass vase holding lavender in it. It was peaceful and relaxing, the scent of chamomile that calmed her. The walls had a beautiful blue and silver lines entwining around her room and her armour was painted baby blue in a way that made it look rustic. She loved it. The floor, the large window.

"And this.. is your room." Gaara told her and she turned to him.

"I don't understand.. why?" she asked him, searching his eyes, in case he was trying to trick her.

His expression became pained for a moment as he led her to a soft couch by her windowsill.

"We have separate rooms because.. of what I've done to you." he swallowed hard, wanting to stop, but he forced himself to continue. "I.. I have done so many wrong things to you and I don't deserve to hold you in bed, at all really.. I've kept you locked up in a room, to much a coward to let you be responsible. So I'm letting you have your own room, own space away from me.. I won't come in here unless, you want me too and you can go in and out of the house as you please... it is your life and your decision." he said and she thought he was joking with her and she scowled.

"This isn't funny Gaara... stop making a joke out of me!" she huffed angrily and he shook his head.

"No, Hinata, I'm not. I'm serious. You have my word." He said and she went silent and still, contemplating.

After awhile, his anxiousness got the better of him. "Say something. If you don't like it, I'll change it."

Hinata sighed and shook her head. "No. That's really alright. I do like it. It's nice..but.. very unlike you."

"Not really.. Gaara's turned over a new leaf since you been out." Temari said appearing at the door and Gaara growled.

"TEMARI! This is our house! You cant just barge in here without knocking!" he shouted and Hinata cringed, which didn't go unmissed by Gaara.

He lowered his voice."Temari... knock next time.. for all you know we could've been-"

"What? Doing the nasty? Yeah right... I seriously doubt she'll even touch you after that." Temari said before she could hold it back.

Gaara fell silent and then pushed past her and out of the room. Hinata felt rage swell up inside her to the point where she was ready to kill.

"Temari, do not make any assumptions about me and what I'll do.. nor will I tolerate you insulting Gaara!" Hinata said icily, stunning her sister-in-law."Furthermore, don't take one step in I and Gaara's house again.. or I.." she paused stepping up close to Temari. "Will end you." she said walking past her to follow Gaara.

When Temari was too stunned to respond Hinata turned her head, the infamous Hyuuga glare- cold, dismissive, and disgusted- fell on her. "Get out." Hinata told her before following her husband.

She found him on the patio staring at his hands. She laid her hand on his shoulder, feeling both compassion and pity for the man. He refused to respond, battling his inner torment. Hinata sighed and laid her head on his shoulder, wondering if it was truly possible to love someone and want to hurt them in the same breath... because that's what she felt. She had not yet forgiven him for his trespasses against her, but in his current state.. he didn't need to know about that.

"Sweet Gaara." She whispered and finally after a few moments he turned his head down to look at her bright opal eyes.

He was quiet and she nodded in understanding, letting him touch her cheek and trace the curve her mouth and chin.

"You didn't have to tell her those things..." he said hoarsely, as if he was choking back his own cries.

Hinata knew better and slipped into his arms. "I did. What she said was unforgivable.You are both her brother and her leader... however misguided you may be." she told him firmly.

"But I'm poor at both.. so maybe I deserve it. The stares, the whispers of how I beat my wife... how I want her dead... In their eyes Im more of a monster now then I was when I was a child." Gaara told her and she looked away, her thoughts and emotions bubbling painfully in her chest.

Gaara scoffed. "See, not even you can deny that about me." He shook his head and turned away from her, reliquishing her touch.

"Gaara, please wait a moment." Hinata called after him but he shook his head.

"I have some work to attend to at the office... I'm sure that's why Temari visited here... I'll be home as soon as I can." he said, with a false calm and cheerfulness in his voice.

"Please-" she tried again but he was already gone.

She couldn't help it then. Her emotions all overwhelmed her, the shock of what has become of her life, the pain of loving Gaara, the pain of losing him, the fear of her own imminent death, and her fear of giving in, her rage against her fate had only brought her closer to it and for that she hated the world and hated her self for doing so. Hinata focused hard on pushing those dangerous thoughts from her mind, but she couldn't stop it... she finally admitted to herself the truth: She would always love Gaara, she would never truly be able to control what would be done to her, and most of all even though it felt like shock therapy, was that she wanted to Gaara to come home to her.

So she could love him.

Hinata was not one to wallow in her pity for long, so she dried her tears, and changed her tear stained clothes, to a fresh and airy silk dress. IT swayed delicately across her calves and gathered at her knees. She remembered buying it the day she went out with Temari. That day, she winced as it brought fresh memories but she forced them down just as quick. She tied a head band around her head to keep her hair form falling in her face as she cooked.

Gaara loved steamed vegetables and shrimp on a stick. It was his favorite dish, as was rice. She would cook it for him, in hopes things would better when he arrived home. As she tolled the hours passed and Gaara did not return home. A thread of that familiar loneliness crept into her chest and she stared panicked at the window, watching for any sign of him. When of course, there was none, she pushed the pessimistic thoughts from her mind and set the table, humming a lullaby she heard when she lived in Konoha.

She paused from setting the table, the hot dish still in her hand as she thought of her old home. Kiba, Akamaru, Shino, Kurenai-sensei... Naruto.. her thoughts lingered on the blonde male a moment longer then the others as she imagined his goofy grin and playful ignorrance that captured her heart in the first place.

Hinata smiled thinking of her first crush, oh how foolish those days were.

"How foolish _I_was." she whispered to herself. "I was so in love with that idiot of a boy... and then I met Gaara.." she said, setting the dish down.

She continuously giggled over the next half hour over the memories of her and her friend. Barely noticing the stretches of Gaara's absence. She looked at sky, finally noticing.

"Well.. if he's going to take this long, maybe I could swing over to the messenger pen." she whispered. "Gaara, did say I can come and go as I please..." a dark image of him hitting her for it came into her mind, but she was determined. "This will be the perfect way to test his vow to me." she said before running out of the house. (For though, she was going to test that vow... she wanted to be home before him just in case anyway.)

xXLOVEXx

Gaara slumped in his chair. His paperwork, completed and neatly stacked ont he side of his desk two hours ago. He knew Hinata would be waiting for him.. then again... in their current situation, he doubted she truly would. Still, her words continued to stick into his mind.

_"Sweet Gaara."_

He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts and then began to pace, rubbing his hair and face. He didn't want to go him, where he would be denied Hinata's touch and voice. He hated that thought and wasn't sure he could take it. He imagined her silken skin and smooth body, the way she fit perfectly against him. Her hands were always moving, smoothing his hair, carressing his cheek.. touching his mouth. His body shuddered at the vivid image of his wife and his chest clenched in pain.

"Who am I fooling? She'll never love me again... Temari's right." He said before sliding back into his chair and laying his face in his hands.

xXLOVEXx

Hinata was worried now. Gaara left just around eleven and now it was eleven thirty at night. There were always guards patrolling the hokage tower so she was normally safe... at least from outsiders. Now, there was no one here. She was alone... and the thought.. angered her. The candles she had lit were now nothing but a stump and the food became unsatisfying and cold.

"Is this the exchange he's made?" she wondered aloud. "Instead of hitting me, he'll just leave for however long he wants!?" her voice rose to borderline shrill. "So instead of battered I am neglected!?" she shouted, tears now making their way down her cheeks.

Somehow she made her way to the living room and collapsed on the couch, curled up in a ball, for the desert was deathly cold at night, but that was not the only reason the young Hyuuga was shivering.

"I was an idiot..to believe it would change..." she whispered, her eyes getting heavier and heavier until they began to close.

Before they shut completely she saw the woman again, a sad smile on her face.

"Yes, we both were."

And then her vision shuddered to a stop, blinded by darkness and tears.

xXLOVEXx

"Gaara! What the hell!?" Kankurou shouted as he saw his brother sleeping at his desk.

Gaara jerked awake and he cringed from the bright light pouring through the window. It was.. daytime? His thoughts crashed around him as Kankurou spoke again.

"YOu slept here all night?" Kankuro asked in pure disbelief and Gaara's eyes opened wide with shock.

"Hinata..."

"You're damn right. If you're here, Hinata must've been alone all-" he stopped realizing his brother was gone. "Night"

xXLOVEXx

Gaara raced home, cursing himself for being such an idiot. There were no guards at their home and Hinata was still frail, which meant serious danger. He wanted to slap himself of doing such a horrible thing to her.

"God, I hope she didnt wait up for me." he said under his breath, but he knew Hinata, and knew that's probably what happened.

When he came in the door he smelt the faint scent of candles and went into the dining room. He was greeted with an image that made his chest tighten in both pain and disbelief. She cooked for him... the shrimp and vegetables were still lying there, cold from being set out all night. There was two wine glasses filled and the candles were nothing but stumps. He knew by this alone, she had waited for a long time, hoping that he would come home...

"Hinata..." he called, poking his head in the living room, his eyes, immediately falling on her balled up form. He swore at himself again and again as he walked over to her.

She was asleep, but he could still see that she didn't sleep well, and she still had goosebumps from the nights cold.

"Hinata... I"m such an idiot." he said more to himself then her, but still she woke up.

She blinked away her confusion at first and scanned the living room until seeing Gaara. At first she looked happy but then as the nights events recapped, that quickly disappeared.

"Hinata I'm sorry-"

"I waited up all night... I think I only fell asleep an hour ago." She whispered, sitting up and staring at the ground. " I made dinner, but.. you didn't come home. You didn't..."

"I know." Gaara said quickly. "I just.. had a lot of work to do and things on my mind... I didn't..know.." he said and she was silent for awhile before looking up with an obvious facade.

"Well, if that's the case then it's fine. You can't help it if you have other things to attend to." she fought a smile. "Besides, what's the big deal. There'll be other nights I guess..." she said letting the sentence hang.

He shook his head. "No, don't do that. Don't fake like your okay dammit! I know I hurt you so why can't you just admit it and then we can fix it!" he shouted, his pent up frustrations breaking free for a moment.. but he saw that's all it took.

"I'm going to take a shower now." she said dully and quickly brushed past him.

"Hinata.. Wait-" his voice was drowned out by her footsteps and the door slamming on him.

He knew she was crying now. He could feel her body shake and tremble as years worth of tears finally found their way outside. Gaara walked to her bedroom door.

"Hinata... please open up.. I'm sorry, I just want to talk." he whispered but there was no response.

"I promise I won't hurt you." he said and finally he heard the latch slide out of its handle and before long he swept the beauty into his arms, kissing her forehead, swiftly speaking his apologies to her ear.

And though she fought every urge shut him out..

she listened.


	6. Heat and Interruptions

Gaara woke up cradling Hinata to him. Her hair was messy, her eyes were puffy, and her lips were swollen too. He stroked her cheek and smiled at her. All day and even into the night he spoke to her and whispered to her and apologized.

"I'm sorry I hurt you."

"You're always sorry. Always." She replied back solemnly.

He stroked her hair. "I know. This time, I was just trying not to hit you. I'm sorry. I was angry again. Hinata, don't cry. Please don't cry." He said and she rolled over, away from him.

She stared out the window and didn't flinch when he wrapped his arms around her.

"This is the choice you'll have me make?" Hinata said quietly and turned her head to stare into puzzled eyes.

"If you're talking about forgiving me-"

"No." she interrupted. "You're making me make a choice on what I would rather have. You beat me or neglect me. That is the choice, isn't it?"

Gaara sat up, his eyes hard as flint.

"I'm trying not to do either, but I'm not going to hit you." He replied.

She made a choice then. She wouldn't let him do it for her.

"If that is the choice you are giving me, then I would much rather have you hit me than leave me alone."

Gaara felt his breath leave him as the words left her mouth. He shook his head again and again. Hinata sat up to and kissed Gaara's hand.

"I love you Gaara. I do." She whispered and pressed her mouth to his.

The heat from her lips made him burn from head to toe, he pressed his body to hers and led her down to the bed. She went with him, molding her form to his and moving her hands down to his back.

He kissed her everywhere, her neck and arms, wrists and stomach before surging up to her mouth again. His fingers circled her hips and he moaned her name.

He pulled back, staring at her red parted lips and eyes hazy with lust. The mist in his mind cleared and he snapped away off the bed.

She sat up. "Gaara?"

He was panting, the thought of him so close to touching her, taking her like a husband should a wife. Had he done it, he could've hurt her.

"Hinata. I can't do that to you. Not yet." He bit off the words like a bitter pill.

Hinata was quiet for awhile and dragged herself out of bed.

"Okay, that's okay." She whispered with understanding.

She stroked his cheek and he closed his eyes, savoring her touch, now blissfully content as she wiped away the sudden tension. Hinata stared at him, suddenly happy as the tension diffused, a small piece of her forgiving him. So when he closed his eyes she suddenly giggled, he was so cute when he was savoring something. He looked like a child who had just had his first taste of chocolate.

"What?" he asked, interrupting her laughter.

She shook her head. "It's nothing." She said chuckling again and then clearing her throat under the watch of his ever steady gaze. "Are you uh… hungry? I could cook something if you want…" she said, her giddiness vanishing, replaced with a sudden nervousness.

"What if he doesn't like my food? Or he wants to eat by himself? Oh, shit. Hinata, stop babbling and at least wait for his answer before you jump to ridiculous conclusions!" she scolded herself and Gaara couldn't help but smile at the emotions floating across her face.

"I wonder what she's thinking in that beautiful head of hers… she sure is getting red and fretting…" he thought and then cleared his throat, bringing them back to reality.

"What's your favorite thing to eat?" he asked abruptly and she frowned, obviously confused, but nevertheless she answered the question.

"Shrimp and rice balls… why?" she asked, curiosity filling her china eyes.

Gaara rose up and kissed her forehead. "Then let's cook that for dinner."

It took a moment for his statement to sink in and when it did, she gave a sweet smile.

"Would you like to help me?" she asked and after a seconds pause, she grew red, "I mean, you don't have to, of course. It just sounded like you wanted to and all, but it's a really simple dish, I can just-"

Gaara silenced her word vomit by covering her mouth with his hand. "Calm down, it would be my honor to assist you in cooking tonight." He said with mock chivalrous tone that made her smile in relief.

She nodded her head and slipped her hand in his, shyly, and led him to the kitchen, where the food she had cooked the previous night still sat.

The sight of the meal made Gaara uncomfortable and he looked at Hinata apologetically. She only shrugged, as she began to clear away the food.

"It's alright, I'll just move this out of the way." She said quietly, picking up the plates and disposing of the food into the trash bin and then put the plates into the small sink.

She moved to the glasses and stared at the swirling liquid, before downing the liquid and putting it into the sink as well.

Gaara let out a low whistle and she blushed. "Sorry. I was just a little thirsty." She mumbled and he nodded with a crooked grin on his face.

"Yeah, I can see that." He said in a heated tone that made fire seep into their bodies, the physical attraction in the room now high.

Her smile widened and she took an involuntary step toward him and then another. The attraction between them was too strong to resist, she felt it in her soul, her love for him. She could feel the heat rising from his body and her hand moved to touch his smooth face. He stared deep into his wife's eyes and moved his hand to touch her hip.

"Hinata, you know we shouldn't be doing this." He said as she leaned closer to him.

She smiled and nodded, choosing to say nothing, instead covering her mouth with his. He growled low in his throat and his hands pressed to the small of her back. Jesus, he was hard already. The heat from her body made him his need for her, grow so much more. His tounge swept her mouth and he found himself pressed against the wall. She removed whatever space that was between them and broke away briefly.

"I love you."

She was breathless when she said and it didn't help when he crushed his mouth to hers and his hand grasped her backside and curled in her hair.

And in that very moment the worst thing possible happened.

"OH MY GOD GAARA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HINATA!!!!"

Enter Naruto Uzumaki and friends.


	7. Give me what i want

**Sorry everyone about my super slack updates. I don't even have an excuse for you, I've just been feeling really uninspired lately and not sure where to take things… However, during my vacation in Senecaville Ohio and being without internet has made me crazy with the need to write. So here I am.**

**I plan to update a lot because it is way too hot to go outside during the day so I'm just gonna write. ****J**

**Anyway, this is gonna be long so don't let your screensaver come on and interrupt the goodness!**

**xXBackNowXx**

_Previously in Obsession _

**"I love you."**

_She was breathless when she said and it didn't help when he crushed his mouth to hers and his hand grasped her backside and curled in her hair. _

_And in that very moment the worst thing possible happened._

_"OH MY GOD GAARA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HINATA!!!!"_

_Enter Naruto Uzumaki and friends._

**xXPresentXx**

Hinata jumped away from Gaara's grip so fast it made the corners of his mouth turn up in amused annoyance. He turned to face not only the most annoying Naruto there, but also Neji, Ino, and Sakura there. Goodies.

"H-Hi E-everyone… h-h-how- what are-"

"We came to see you Hinata. We got your letter and we rushed over here." Sakura said cutting in and smiling at Hinata's ruffled appearance and tomato red face.

"Letter?" Gaara questioned Hinata with a puzzled and questioning expression.

She turned another shade darker and opened her mouth to stutter through an answer when Neji stepped forward with a parchment in his palm.

"Yes Gaara-_sama._" He stressed the last part with disgust." It seems you finally loosened your grip on Hinata's collar so she could send us one." He handed Gaara the letter with a smirk on his face.

Gaara stared at Neji for a long time all the while everyone sensing the tension reach new heights. Hinata's gaze went back from her husband to her cousin over and over and her anxiety increased once more when Gaara spoke.

"Watch it Hyuuga Neji, you are in my house and in my presence. Do not delude yourself into believing that your relation to my wife enables you to do and say as you please. In fact, though I cannot kill you without an immediate war, I can indeed throw you out of Suna on your ass." Gaara said without inflection or hesitation.

Neji raised an eyebrow and was about to retort hotly when Ino's hand came down on his forearm and squeezed harder than Sakura.

"Gaara-sama. I apologize for our intrusion but we are here only because Hinata invited us to visit her seeing as how her conditions have improved." Ino spoke diplomatically.

"Come on Gaara!" Naruto said as he approached his old friend with a sloppy grin on his face. "When was the last time you and I got to hang out together?" He asked now in Gaara's face. "huh? Huh?"

Gaara's eye twitched in annoyance but he found himself smiling (aka... smirking) at the blond shinobi.

"Not long enough for you to mature any or to learn to respect other people's space." Gaara intoned dryly and Naruto roared with laughter and clapped him on the shoulder.

He turned to the rest of the group. "See? What I tell ya? Gaara's happy to see me!" he exclaimed before glomping on to Suna's ruler. "I missed you buddy." He said before turning to Hinata and picking her up and swinging her around.

Even though Hinata's crush on Naruto had long dissipated she couldn't suppress a giggle and as she hugged everyone else she began to laugh, _really_ laugh. The sound was infectious and soon her visitors were also laughing with her, even Gaara had a real smile.

However, while he watched his blushing wife greet the guests he couldn't help but feel guilt rise in the bile at the back of his throat. He had kept her away like a caged bird with no hope of freedom or a reunion with her family. He realized then as she smiled without fear that he could never truly make her happy and that he would never be able to let her go to do that either.

_"Hindsight is always 20/20."_ He thought to himself as he stared at her letter, which was proof that he was never enough to make Hinata happy.

"Let me show you around. I'll give you a grand tour!" Hinata exclaimed with no stutter making him snap away from his thoughts.

"What?" he questioned without thinking and Hinata turned around to face him, obviously startled.

"I want to show them around the house and maybe the city if that's alright with you?" she repeated to him.

He felt a pang of guilt at the pleading undertone in her words. Her beautiful eyes were round and with her back turned to her friends he could obviously see the desperation in her eyes. "For once, Gaara," He told himself. "Don't be selfish."

So instead of giving into his most basic and primal urges, he leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Have fun." He whispered in her ear before pulling away.

His comment must have startled her again because as he moved to leave she grabbed onto his sleeve and he turned back to her.

"You aren't coming with us?" She whispered and saw the hesitation in his eyes.

"You don't need me watching your every-"

She shook her head and interrupted him with an impatient and haughty sigh. "No. I didn't mean it like that. I invited them to visit _both _of us. I know Naruto missed you. Please, Gaara. Come with us."

This time he was the one to hesitate and he had to clear his throat in order to get rid of the burning ache in his throat.

"Please." She repeated.

How could he have said no to such a beautiful woman? How could he have resisted the lure in her eyes or the heat from her hand? At that moment he wondered if anyone would be able to resist Hinata when her lush mouth formed the world 'please'.

"Okay." He said his voice rough and hoarse to the point where he had to clear it again.

Hinata smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Thank you." She said planting a brief kiss on his cheek.

She turned back to the rest, who were politely trying to ignore the PDA between the couple. "Is everyone ready?"

And just like Gaara thought, no one could have resisted.

xXTobeContinued….NotXx

-Hinata P.O.V-

I just cannot believe this! It's so… so… _unreal. _Here I am doing the one thing I never thought I would be able to do ever again… Enjoy a good time with the people I have missed and love. In my absence away from the village I had forgotten how good Naruto-kun was at making people laugh. Or how Sakura would always cut him off with a punch or ear pull when he went too far. Which he did. Often. I don't believe I have laughed so much in all my days in Suna combined as I am now.

I couldn't help but turn to Gaara, who was still as striking and brooding as ever. It made me a little sad thinking of how much had passed between us. So much heartache and tragedy affected our actions toward each other. I hated him for all the things he's done to me, but somehow I still love him. I can't think of being a day without him, without seeing his face or feeling him. No one in the world made me feel weak in my knees or made my inside burn with desire with just one look. Not even Naruto.

A throat cleared and I realized Gaara and me had been staring at each other and I saw the heat in his eyes that was mirrored by my own. I couldn't help the rush of blood that raced to my cheeks like lightning and I broke out of my haze and turned to Sakura who had cleared her throat in order to draw my gaze.

"Oh. S-sorry." My voice was hoarse for some reason so I had to take a drink of water.

"Why'd you clear your throat for Sakura?" Naruto asked suddenly curious and turning his attention away from the waitress he had been staring at.

Sakura elbowed him. "Shut up you idiot and mind your own business." She growled making him cower back in his food and the rest of the table smile.

I suddenly felt heat as Gaara intertwined our fingers and held my hand under the table. I glanced at him and he bent to whisper in my ears.

"I like it when you look at me that way, _Hinata_." He said my name like some erotic word and it had me beat red and slightly panting from the heaty effects of his warm breath on my ear.

Once again a throat was cleared but this time it was Neji.

-End of her POV-

Gaara pulled away from her ear to face his wife's cousin, wanting to rip away his head from his shoulder.

"Do you wish to start some kind of conversation?" he inquired dryly, "Or are you to proud to ask for a cough drop?"

Neji smirked at the sarcasm in the Kazekage's voice. "You can keep your cough drop, in fact I know a perfect place where you can shov-"

"Neji! Watch your mouth!" Hinata interrupted him, abhorred at his table manners. "I'm sorry if our antics offend you but we are _married_ and quite _active_ if you understand that too." Hinata only slightly blushed as Gaara made a primal growl at her use of the word active.

-Gaara's POV-

Did she just say married _and _active? If only we were alone right now I would show her just how active she makes me want to be. I could close my eyes and imagine all the ways tasting her would be, especially since my rage is under control. Her smooth soft skin, silky hair, delectable curves that only Hinata had. I couldn't stop the low growl in my throat or the raging hardening of my lower body.

"I apologize cousin. Old overprotective habits die hard for me." Neji said, interrupting me from my daydreams and I looked at Hinata, expecting a gracious acceptance but I was greeted with a flash of utter despair that set briefly in her countenance. Somehow, no one else noticed her pain.

I knew at that moment she was thinking of just how _protective_ he and every other member of the clan had been when she was sold to me. I will never regret having Hinata for myself, but the way she was given to me was humiliating, even if most of the general population didn't know the truth. Hinata would always know and this knowledge had me kissing her temple, silently telling her I understand.

Hinata smiled briefly and shrugged. "Well then, all is forgiven then." Gods how hard those words were for her to say to a member of her clan. I remembered her telling me once that she wished she could kill every member of her clan for letting her be sold like a whore and of course during that time I only agreed and let myself prove how much of one she truly was.

Bile rose in the back of my throat, burning me with guilt. I could feel my rage grow inside me at my own actions and knew I must remove myself quickly so got up from the table. "Excuse me for a minute." Was all I could say and I walked away briskly to head to the bathroom.

I shoved myself through the door, taking deep breaths to steady myself. My stomach churned like the sand I controlled. Of all the opportune moments for my emotions to wreak havoc on me! I kneeled down in front of the toilet, not bothering to close chipped stall door and vomited.

How long I sat there retching into a stained toilet I will never know. I lost track of time as my sudden bout of sickness appeared. The familiar smell of the vomit made my nostrils burn in disgust and my mind return to old memories. The memories of my first kills, of my abuse, memories I spent years forcing down that was now threatening to up heave just like my vomit. All because my angelic wife had a look in her eyes. How poetic. I smirked and pushed myself away from the sticking bowl.

"Your pathetic Gaara." I said out loud, dismissing anyone who may have been present to hear.

A door opened and the bathroom was suddenly filled with laughter and chatter from the dining area. I suppose it was enough to get me off my ass and flushing the toilet. I paused before I pressed the lever, waiting in case more decided to make its way out of my belly. When there was no immediate threat, I pressed the lever and stepped out.

My eyes locked on to my reflection and I cracked a smile. I looked a mess with my jumbled hair and sweaty pale skin. There were dark circles under my eyes and fine lines on my face I hadn't noticed before. My early twenties seemed more like early forties. What disturbed me though were my eyes. They broadcasted my weakness and I could see my facade wasn't going to hold on much longer.

I put my head on my arms, bracing myself on the edge of a dirty sink and chuckled. How funny that I'm married to Hinata. Beautiful, compassionate, youthful Hinata is bonded with a monster. I braced my hands on the sink, washing my face and rinsing my mouth.

A stray movement drew my eyes and I spun around but the bathroom was empty and yet… I was almost sure… it was an old woman.

-End of his POV-

"What was that about?" Sakura asked as Gaara took off to the bathroom and Hinata turned to their perplexed faced, which were now turned to her as if she held the answers of the universe.

Unfortunately, she could only shrug despite the bad feeling that had settled in her chest.. "I wish I knew."

xXBuildin TensionXx

When Gaara returned after a few hectic moments of retching he returned to see everyone laughing again and the food almost finished. He took a swig of wine and sat back down.

Hinata took his hand and smiled at him with concern.

"Are you alright?" She asked and he stroked her cheek and nodded.

"Good." She said, her smile turning into a grin. "I have good news for you." She paused and stared off into space as she began to ramble slightly. "Well, I think it is news. Actually it's not even my good news but it is-"

"Hinata," Gaara interrupted. "What is it?"

"Uh well actually Gaara…" Sakura said and she blushed.

"Me and Naruto here-"

"ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!" Naruto shouted, obviously in the midst of a happy high. "DID YOU HEAR THAT GAARA? IM MARRYING SAKURA!!!!!"

Everyone in the restaurant cringed at the sudden increase in volume and Gaara shushed him.

"Yes I heard you. Congratulations, now shut the hell up before I knock you the hell out!" Gaara growled and Naruto, suddenly aware of his surroundings, lowered his head sheepishly.

"Sorry, I'm just…"He looked up again with a grin."Happy as hell."

Sakura was in full blush mode now as Naruto stood and brought her with him.

"Me and Sakura are leaving. We are going to uhh.." He thought of a good word for the activities he planned to have with her all night long. "Celebrate. See you guys."

"W-Wait, Naruto-" Sakura tried to stop him but he just hauled her out of there before anyone could really say anything.

For a long minute it was very quiet as everyone looked at each other with reddened cheeks. Hinata was the first to start to giggle and then laugh, which caused everyone else to let loose too. Even Gaara chuckled a bit. Okay, a lot.

As the tension eased away Ino spoke.

"There is something about getting engaged and married that makes me so...." she looked at the ceiling as she worked to find and appropriate and finally after a few moments she smiled. "Horny."

Hinata's face turned beat red and her small mouth seemed to drop in disbelief as Ino began to laugh loudly.

"What?" she asked as Neji stared her down. "I'm serious the whole idea of finding someone who can love you forever and wants to be with you forever is so romantic it can get me panting."

"Really?" Gaara asked an easy grin on his face. "I bet Neji wishes he knew that earlier."

Eyes turned back to Neji, who was practically burning a whole in Ino's face with his gaze. Ino blinked suddenly and then scooted away from Neji a bit.

"N-N-Neji… W-What are you l-looking at me l-like t-that f-for?" She cursed as he grabbed on to her waist and pulled her right on top of him

He turned to his cousin, who had graciously pretended to eye the silverware. "Hinata, I and Hinata will be taking our leave now. I apologize for any inconvenience we might have caused." He said as he yanked Ino up with him.

Hinata smiled. "No, it's alright. I-I don't mind-"

"Good." He said abruptly and began to pull Ino towards the door, much to her dismay.

"Hey! WAIT A MINUTE!" She yelled, turning heads of everyone in the place.

When she saw her yelling was futile she spun around. "Hinata! We'll come see you tomorrow-"with a glance back to Neji she corrected herself. "Or maybe the next day! BYE!" She yelled as she was wrenched away from the door and disappeared.

Gaara turned to Hinata and saw she looked rather pleased.

"What is it?" he asked and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Nothing…it's just…" she paused and tightened her hold on his hand. "I'm glad everyone has found someone to love them. Especially Neji, I always thought he would be sentenced to marry someone in the clan." She began to chuckle. "In fact, for awhile there I believed it would have been me."

Gaara frowned at the thought of Hinata marrying someone like Neji… then again, he wasn't the perfect match for her either.

Hinata sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Gaara?" The husky note in her voice made him stare down at her and then he saw it.

Desire. He had only seen it once before Shukaku had first raped Hinata and sent them on their path of destruction. He immediately recognized the pout of her lips, the way her eyes were hooded ever so slightly and her cheeks pinkened from something other than embarrassment.

"Do you know what I'm going to ask you?" She asked him, her voice once more teasing him to goosebumps.

He swallowed hard and nodded, not for one moment pulling away from her gaze. He was trapped.

"Will you give me what I want?" She asked with a cocked eyebrow.

Gaara imagined for a moment her writhing underneath him as he truly showed her what it was to be man and wife. The easy slow pumping he would give her throughout the night. With that image alone he knew what he was going to say before he truly thought of whatever ramifications there would be.

"Yes."

**~SO do you like??????? hmm? Don't keep me on edge I am still going on reviews I received a while ago about whether or not I should up the ante and change the rating to M so that is what Im going to do.. which means... LEMON NEXT CHAPTER!!! My first, but ooh baby its gonna be good. I dont bury my head in romance novels for nothing! Lol. Anyway, besides that part I know I said it would be super long but.. for me this is long since Im super SlacK. Hopefully I will have the next chapter done and edited by this weekend. KEeP Your Fingers Crossed!**

**And by the way, any of you who want to flame, Im up for constructive criticism so dont be an ASSHOLE! You dont want me up in your stories because I will point of every flaw, failure and basically send your stories to the graveyard. :) Im just asking for you to respect me and I promise I will to you. Ok!~**


	8. First Time

Their hands were joined and bodies gently touching as they slowly walked home. For them, that would be what this night would be about. Slow and sweet, there was no hurry for selfish pleasure. Tonight they would enjoy each other in every possible way as they forgot all the painful memories that held them back from their cravings. Both were shy, though not ashamed. Both were afraid, but not of each other, not of themselves. Both knew what they want, and for the first time it would simple for them to get it. There was no bargain driven or money exchanged, just smiles and tender caresses. Gentle and slow they would return to their rightful positions as lovers, as spouses. Tonight, it would be as if it was their first time.

Gaara stared down at Hinata, savoring her beautiful face that was luminescent in the moonlight. Her long hair, hung low to her waist, the way he loved it. The sudden urge to pull her into a dark corner and run his fingers through her hair and over her body was almost blinding... but when she looked up at him with a tranquil gaze he steadied his warring emotions. This wasn't about his urges. No, tonight would be about giving himself to her and her pleasure. Tonight he would give her what had always eluded him before.

Love.

They didn't speak as they approached their front door, they had no need to. The stolen glances and chaste blushes said all it had to. For a moment they just stood at their door, small smiles and tender gazes holding each other in a suspended trance. The urge to press skin to skin was overwhelming and Gaara took a deep breath to calm himself, but found himself only immersed in Hinata's vanilla scent. He leaned his head down to her neck, breathing her in, tasting her.

She pressed her hands to his chest wanting to push him away and pull him closer, a small whimper escaping from her mouth when he broke away, his green eyes were almost black with need. Breathing hard, she ran her hand over his clenched jaw, desperate for one more kiss. However, Gaara turned away before gave in and led her inside. Slowly-whether to calm himself or not rush her, he wasnt sure- he walked her into the hallway, pausing at the door. A silent question. An answer that would change everything. It made his heart race with anxiety and stomach cramp as he waited for her to speak, to do something, anything.

It took a momennt for her to understand why he was standing there silent, but when she finally did Gaara watched her face light up with a smile that went from her perfect mouth to precious eyes. She once again stroked his jaw, reveling in the masculine beauty that was Gaara. Her stomach somersaulted with pleasure when he let out a small moan as she kissed him. His grip on her hand tightened as he tugged her closer and closer. Gaara felt he could drown in the petal soft lips and sweet sense that when she pulled away he was momentarily immobile.

Still, a mischievous smile graced her lips as she turned to turned to walk into the room, her hips swinging invitingly and laughter sending fire to his groin. His eyes would have rolled back in the head had it not been for his concentration. He was already heavy and pants becoming unbearably small, her invitation only made it worse.

"Gaara..." she called with volume no higher than if she was standing right in front of him.

Instead of in front of the bed he would make love to her on.

The thought shoved Gaara forward, toward the sweet lilt of her voice. His gaze landed on first on her bare feet before traveling upward, his eyes drinking in the womanly curve of her legs and tummy that he knew would be soft and creamy underneath her clothing before moving on to light at her breasts. Here, his eyes shamelessly lingered and he smiled as he took in the sudden pinkening of Hinata's skin. He shook his head, she should never have to be embarrassed. She was beautiful,more so now as she offered herself to him-no, that was wrong. Now that they offering themselves to _each other _was she more beautiful then the shy sweet girl he met at sixteen. Before he had ruined her.

Hinata registered the sad look in his eyes and for a moment thought she had displeased him. She walked up to him, her eyes never looking away from the sad jade that had made its way to her face. She pressed a hand to his cheek and frowned as he nuzzled it, welcoming it. Why was he suddenly sad?

"Gaara, what's wrong? Did I do something?" She asked him, fighting hard to keep her sudden insecurity out of her voice, however, his eyes still flashed in kissed her palm, reigning in his brief moments of nostalgia and sorrow to attend to her fears.

"No, Hinata. I just wish I could have cherished you before..." he explained with a hoarseness in his voice and Hinata felt relieved.

"Gaara, Gaara, Gaara...." she chanted as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed herself closer to him, enjoying the way her curves molded to the steel of his body, "That was before, cherish me now."

With that she kissed him and was instantly heated when he responded by wrapping his arms around her waist and slowly backing her toward their bedding. She moaned as his tounge swept the inside of her mouth and teased her around. It was a playful kiss, but forceful. Needy. However, whoever was the most needy at that point would be undetermined.

Gaara groaned in satisfaction, understanding the time for nostalgia was over and tonight he would make love to his wife. To Hinata. That thought made his erection strain even harder against his jeans, the need to be released from its confinements evident to the couple. She smiled into his mouth and let her hands trail down his firm chest to slip underneath the waistband of his pants to free him. Gaara pulled away from her mouth with a groan as her soft, feathery hands skimmed across his skin, the coolness of her fingertips making him burn hotter than the desert sun, a sun whose heat could not compare to the one spreading within him.

He groaned her name as she wrapped her hand around his base and began to fully stroke him, shamelessly, lovingly. He stared down at her, reveling in the way she touched him, treasured him. Was it really possible to love her anymore?

"hinata." he whispered softly and she looked up at him, curious.

"hm?"

"I love you."

I smile broke out on her face and she sat down on the bed and returned her attention to his member. Confusion dogged his senses, unsure as to why she had to sit down. However, his uncertainty was ripped away as she tongued the underside of his member. Like a steaming tidal wave, desire crashed through him. The sheer sight of her tounging him combined with sensation itself nearly took out his knees. However, when Gaara thought he couldnt take much more as she ran her tongue over his weeping member, she took him into her mouth. Gaara cried out and his hand shot out to the bedpost to brace himself.

"Hinata," he choked hoarsely, "god..."

She hummed with pleasure and gaara couldnt stop the sudden bucking of his hips, pushing him farther into her mouth. His sac had grown tight and he knew he was close, but he was determined to not go like this, no matter how much he fantasized. He pulled away from her with a groan and a shake of his head.

"You'll be the death of me." he admitted to her smiling face.

She leaned back on the bed and drank him in. The heat in her eyes brought him down to his knees in front of her, kissing cheeks, her chin, and trailing down to her neck. He smiled in triumph as she opened herself up further to him. Gaara brought his hands to to her the hem of her shirt and gently peeled it off her, tossing it aside in order to absorb her naked beauty. He stared at her full, plump breasts, that he knew would fit perfectly in his hands and kissed the swell of her left breast. Hinata's breath hitched in her throat at the innocent, tender touch of his mouth. Her hands curled in his hair as she felt- and he watched- her nipples grow tight with need and familiar heat, pool between her thighs.

The scent of her arousal only heightened his and in response he drew a nipple into his mouth and swirled it with his tongue. Of course, by this time Hinata's body was already shaking with need and him claiming her sensitive peak while kneading the others made her back arch. She wanted more of this, more of his mouth. Just more of_ him._ He drove her wild, bringing her up to that cliff before drawing her back away. Hinata growled with sudden impatience and a deep chuckle emanated from Gaara as he blew cool air on her skin, before heating up it back up with flicks of his tongue. However, when she let out that growl that had his erection jerking he stared up at her, pausing the exploration with his mouth.

"Is something wrong Hinata?" he teased and her eyes snapped fire, but she remained silent as her cheeks burned a bright red.

"No?" he questioned as he dipped a hand between her thighs to touch her previously ignored wetness.

She gasped and her grip tightened. "Youre driving me... crazy." she finally forced out.

"Oh no.. we cant have that..." he whispered and let his kisses travel lower, skimming her pale tummy before stopping to pull away the last of her clothes.

He drew back to take her in, the long silky legs, womanly curves and when he gently parted her legs he gazed at his own slice of heaven. Then his eyes met hers and saw the rest. He kept their eyes locked, never glancing away for a second as he placed her leg on his shoulder and touched her. he delighted in the sudden goose bumps and the way her lids flickered. He kissed the inside of her thigh before returning to her center. She was radiating heat, like an open oven door and the smell of her arousal intoxicated him. With one parting of his fingers he took her into his mouth to drink the nectar that was Hinata.

She thought she was ready for it. She thought she was braced for it. God was she wrong. Her back bowed and her hips immediately lifted off the bed as pleasure rocked through her. Hinata cried his name as his tongue spiraled over her clit and delved into her. She clenched her eyes tight and her hands gripped his hair. She was losing it and loving it.

Gaara's mind was reeling at the taste of her. Sweet, salty, womanly. Perfect. He could feel her reaching her climax and pressed sucked harder on the little nub, erection jerking at her screams. He hand skimmed over her hip, rubbing circles into her skin, while continuing to bring her closer and closer... until finally with one last pull of her clit and squeeze of his hands on her breasts sent her over. When she came it was like a whirlwind of sensations as the orgasm swept her away.

Gaara groaned she came and was greeted with a new flood of wetness that filled his mouth. She was beautiful, intense, and if his hands weren't holding her now he would have believed she was untouchable. He planted soft tender kisses on her skin. They were cooling and gentle.

"Beautiful...so beautiful.." He whispered as he gathered her into his arms. "Perfect."

As she slowly struggled down from her high she smiled at Gaara, he was tender with her, and unlike all the other times, she knew he would not loose control. She knew in her heart that this moment this time...would be their first time.

**So, how is it?? It isn't susposed to be dirty smutty wam bam thank you mam good night kinda but I dont want it to be too fluffy. Of course, this is susposed to be romantic keep in mind but tell me what you think and I can go back and edit it. By the way, the next part of this Lemon would be in the next chapter, I dont plan on leaving you hanging. and i know by now most of my readers have given up on me but you know... dont!! I promise to GOODNESS I now know exactly what im going to write and where this story is going to go. Swear it. Look forward to your next update (and the rest of this scene) by Friday at the latest. :)  
**


	9. Warmth

_Warmth_. It was a sweet warmth and enveloped her body in a strong, but gentle lovers embrace. She shifted and that's when she felt the source of the warmth. It was a body. Gaara's. A few things occured to her at once, all bringing a big smile to her face. The first was that she and Gaara were naked. Together. In her room. They had made love last night and it was.... it was....She couldn't describe it. Not even to herself. It was too much. Hinata felt the warmth radiate from his smooth chest and it heated her from her toes upwards. He held her to his chest, his grip tight and possesive.

"Like a cocoon..." she whispered.

She turned her wide eyes upward to stare at his face. He was breathing through his nose, a soft snore that made her knees weak. He was so adorable, so handsome. Blushing, she pressed her face into his chest, breathing in his earthy smell and shifting her weight. Immediately, she heard him groan and stiffen beneath her.

"Hinata?" His voice was hoarse, rough and caused her to erupt in little chills.

Her face red now, she looked up at him and met his steely green eyes. Eyes that softened immediately when she looked up at him and eyes that seemed to drink her in. They didn't say anything after that, not for a long time. They just lay there together, drinking in the sunlight coming in through the window, and the feel of each other.

"Are you hungry?" She asked after a while, turning her head to back at him.

He lifted his head from her neck in answer, his green eyes suddenly darker.

"For food?"

Hinata turned pink as she felt him against her thigh and she realized what he was hungry for. She gave a small smile and rolled over to stare at him.

"Yes. For food." She said.

Her stomach tightened when he smiled back at her. He stroked her arm with the pads of his fingers; first he cupped her cheek and moved lower to her slender neck and shoulder. His eyes followed the path his fingers until finally he was holding her hand. His eyes- suddenly heavily lidded- flickered back to her mouth and then her eyes.

"Food?" He asked again. His husky voice made her shiver and move a little closer to his body. His eyes held a smile in them as he pulled her on top of him.

"Food." She whispered again as her lips lowered just enough to brush against his, sending little shocks to her toes, and to his groin.

A groan rumbled in his chest as she ground her hips to where he needed it most. Again and again she rubbed her body against his until they were both panting for each other, but she didn't stop. From the delicious look in her eyes, she wasn't planning on it. His hands grasped her hips moving her harder and wringing a gasp from her small mouth, stifled by his sudden demanding kiss.

He was hard and they were both naked. It would be so easy for him to slip inside her right now… she was already wet for him. He felt it every time she ground herself against him. He nipped at her lips, tasting and teasing the perfection of her mouth. Her hard nipples brushed against his and he slid her up his body to take one hardened peak into his mouth.

She whimpered and let her hands twine themselves in her hands. His mouth felt so good… pulling and tugging and devouring her with a fierce tenderness. Her breath stopped as he let her nipple fall out of his mouth and went to the other.

"Gaara… please…"

Her breathy request had his body jerking and kissed a trail back up her breasts to mouth. Her hands still gripping his hair he sunk his hands into the wet folds of her womanhood. Her breath hitched in her throat at first in pleasure, but when he slipped on finger into her she clenched in pain.

The sudden tension in her body made him pull away in fear. Panic clenched his throat like a vice and stopped him from speaking, but his eyes clearly held the question.

Hinata blushed and looked away, not knowing how to explain the pain, but the fear in his eyes made her worried.

"You didn't hurt me." She whispered to him, but he said nothing, waiting for her to explain further.

"I'm just… a little sore…from last night." She explained and smiled when he opened his mouth to apologize.

"It's okay. I mean, it's only because I haven't- uhm… been with you in awhile." She rushed before he could actually speak. "It won't hurt after we're together more often."

He looked up at her, his green eyes getting hazy and dark at the prospect of more often. Their bodies relaxed and he kissed her hair.

"I'm going to run a bath for you. That helps sometimes I think…" he said, suddenly bashful.

She nodded to him as he slid from the bed, not even bothering to pull on clothes. Her cheeks pinkened, but she didn't look away. The smooth flesh of his back, belied the powerful muscles that lay beneath. Gaara was beautiful and fierce and dangerous… but at least he was hers. And that thought made her smiling with pleasure as he returned to her.

He cocked in eyebrow, wondering why she was smiling at him like that. "What is so funny?" He asked leaning down to her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his nose. "Just knowing that you are mine." She whispered and his eyes darkened with heat.

"And you are mine." He replied in a voice that usually sent shivers of fear down her spine, this time it was different.

"Now. Let's get you into the bath." He said and scooped her up into his arms.

She blushed profusely and couldn't stifle her giggles. She felt like a newlywed… pampered, adored…loved. He gently set her down into the warm water that immediately relaxed her aching muscles. When he moved away she snatched his wrist in alarm.

"You aren't going to join me?"

Gaara had to rein in the groan he wanted to give her and shook his head. "Too risky."

The look on her face was not pleased and rooted him to the floor. "Well, we don't have to do anything scandalous if you don't want to, but at the very least I could help washing you and vice versa."

He sighed, realizing he had offended her and now he was torn between letting her relax and not physically hurting her or… hurting her feelings.

"Alright." He answered, returning to her smiling face and feeling a weight ease of his shoulders as he slipped into the water. Into her arms.

**Alright so it is a teensy bit fluffy, I understand. I know you probably feel wronged that I took away their first night together. Sorry, but I think you all deserve to have a chapter for Xmas and it would take me too long to finish. I have absolutely no privacy where I am at. Hell I'm writing this in a car right now. Im probably gonna give you the cut out chapter later on, but I have got to finish writing/updating this story!!!!!**

**Merry Christmas ya'll!**


	10. No Other Way

Hinata frowned as Gaara seemed to tense up again. He had been like this all day since they had come to the marketplace with Naruto and the others. He would be smiling and relaxed one minute, but then all of a sudden he would tense up and lose himself to his thoughts. She was worried and exasperated at the same.

"Gaara?" She called to him, only slightly pleased he had heard her this time. "Is something wrong? You seem tense..."

She thought she saw a glimpse of something... fear? But it was gone just as fast and he pacified her with a smile.

"No. Everything's fine." He kissed the top of her head and led the group to a booth where the women fawned over their jewelry.

"So. Things between you and Hinata-san are better?" Naruto asked as he stood beside him.

Gaara looked at the only person he had ever considered something close to a friend. He nodded, refusing to elaborate more. He had shared enough being around them and he was unused to this whole, group date thing.

"It's okay Gaara... no need to be shy." Naruto prodded with a suggestive wig of his eyebrows. "I mean... Hinata is-"

Gaara smacked his hand over Naruto's mouth and amusingly, Neji slapped his head.

"Shut up Naruto." They both chorused and when Gaara let down his hand, Naruto revelead his lecherous grin.

Just the sight of the humor that enveloped the deadly ninja set Gaara at ease. He was not the only monster out in the world and if Naruto could master his demon, he could control his own. Once convinced that Naruto would not say something else inappropriate about his wife he turned his eyes to her.

She was a vision when she was brimming with pleasant emotions, such as now. Her pale skin would pinken and her bright white eyes would shine like opals with tears from laughter. He liked it when her tears were happy.

"Gaara..."

A soft voice froze him in his place and ripped through his thoughts. That soft, seductive, and feminine whisper was one he hoped he would not have to hear again. Guilt, fear, and rage swirled in his stomach, making his nauseous. Or was the memory of his acts with the owner of that whisper. He glanced around; knowing full well the woman he was searching for was long gone out of his sight. He wearily glanced at Neji and Naruto, wondering if they heard him.

They showed no sign of having heard the voice and his body released tension. For a moment he wished that they had heard. That somehow his secrets and carnal methods would be exposed and Hinata could be set free from the cage he had placed her in. But then deep down he knew he would not let that happen. She was his possession and she would just have to understand the extreme methods he took to keep her.

That is, if he ever told her the truth.

...

Today was a good day. It was one of the best days he had ever had with Hinata. They didn't fight. They were affectionate. They spent time with the Konoha nins. He had got her to laugh and be happy and at the end of the night he was still holding her contently in his arms. He gazed at her sleeping form. Her beautiful face resting on his chest and smooth, porcelain skin reflecting the light from the moon... as it always did. She was perfect there and he wished he never had to get up from her arms. But why, if he felt so content in the graces of Hinata's arms, was he not, in fact, content? He wondered why, after their time together he still felt uneasy and conflicted.

He closed his eyes, frustration keeping him awake. He hated this... He hated the guilt that now plagued his every thought and actions. Gaara knew that there was no way he could ever fully regain his peace of mind unless he confronted the one thing he had hoped to ignore. Ever since she had woken up from the hospital he had ended it. Not directly, but he had ignored in hopes that it would just go away and he wouldn't have to deal with it. After all, he had better things to hold now. However, he saw her in the marketplace where he, Hinata, and the other nins were visiting and spending their time. At first he thought it was a coincidence, but after he saw her again and again and again... he knew it wasn't.

He knew he would have to end this... he couldn't let that mistake ruin his life or his chances with Hinata.

And that is why, Gaara slipped out of Hinata's arms and out of their bed... That is why he silently left his home. To face the one who had rid him of his demon.

...

She was waiting for him at his office. Just as he knew she would be. This is where they usually met. Here in his office, in the middle of work hours, where he knew no one would disturb him. She said nothing as he appeared in the middle of the room. She still continued to light the candles one by one. The dim, yellow light set off her profile. The glisten on her pink lips shone and her brown eyes seemed to have the flame dancing in them. With a flick of her curly blonde hair over her shoulders, she turned fully to face him, a triumphant and seductive smile on her lips.

"I knew you would come back to me." She said, her husky voice sending cold shivers down his back.

He said nothing at first, remaining where he was and watched as she unbuttoned her shirt, revealing her naked breasts to him. She leaned back against his desk, pressing her chest out just a little further. The first time they had met his beast clawed at him... as if sensed the animal in this woman. He had thought she was beautiful and seductive, nothing at all like the whimpering, fragile wife that was laying the hospital. So he had learned to get rid of the beast inside of him... by letting it out on this woman in the most carnal way possible. And she had loved every second of his rough handling and misuse of her body.

Now, he didn't know what he saw in her. She did not compare at all to Hinata. Where Hinata was pure and caring, this woman was dirty and needy. Hinata's beauty was ethereal and this woman's was translucent.

"I don't want you." He spoke quietly and she only she didn't even falter.

She only smiled wider and approached him, the swaying of her hips almost predatorial and taunting. She ran her finger down his chest and looked down at his groin.

"Are you sure about that?" Her hand cupped his groin and he flinched in disgust.

Grabbing her wrist he pulled her away from. "Don't touch me. I don't want you. This is over." He repeated and though this time she faltered, it was only for a moment.

She sunk down to his knees, freeing his member from his confines into the soft coolness of hand. "We'll just have to see about that won't we, Master Gaara?" She whispered, running her tongue from his base to the tip. She grinned up at him, lust so clearly on her face. "Do what we used to... just think of me as her. And let all of your frustration out." She cooed.

He couldn't stop his reaction... he couldn't contain the ferocious need that he could never let Hinata see. He was so afraid that if she realized he still had these urges she would run... He groaned when she sank her mouth down on him.

There was no other way, he told himself.

No other way.

...


	11. Weight of Knowledge

**Hey guys! I'm back. Sorry that I've put this off, but I've been working on a couple other stories. **

Hinata knew. She knew at the marketplace when she heard a woman whisper her husband's name. She knew. She knew where he was going when he left the bed, careful not to wake her. Fortunately for her, the loss of his tailed beast softened the edge of his senses to the point where they were unable to detect her aroused state. She knew. As she slowly walked to the main building, where her husband and his mistress dallied, she pieced together the facts and lies of her life with Gaara.

She stepped out of her house into the freezing desert night. Fact one: She had met Gaara in the chuunin exams and had slowly sympathized and fallen for his wounded character. She passed her front gate and headed out into the street.

Fact two: Gaara and her began dating, secretly, a few weeks after she turned 16. She passed by the shop where she heard the woman's voice.

Fact three: after stumbling on her practicing her skills, naked, in the water, Gaara's beast broke free and raped her. Afterward when Gaara woke up and realized what he had done he had wept over her as he took her to the hospital. Forgiving as she was she took him back and consoled herself that it was not his fault.

She stopped at the doors of the kazekage building. Fact four: her father, furious at the loss of her virginity, sold her to Gaara, not realizing he was the cause of his own distress. From there, her horrors just continued on a repeating cycle. True, Gaara was not all at fault. His demon's obsession with her and the lack of his control, coupled with his own maddening desire for the one woman who did not reject him, chained her to him. She loved him and deep down he loved her as well.

As she took the steps her stomach churned at the thought of what could be happening in her husband's office, but her solve was firm. She had to see for herself. She loved Gaara and this led to the next, ultimate fact. Their love was selfish, flawed, and held together by senseless need and misguided actions. She senselessly believed that their problems would wash away with the past and neglected to face them and resolve them. How weak their nightmares had made them, she thought as tears glistened in her eyes as the sounds of angry sex beat at her ears.

However, when she opened the door, she found only Gaara and silence. There was no woman, though Hinata could sense one was here. Confusion filled Hinata as she was not met with the sight of churning bodies or the smell of sex. There was only the faint smell of spicy perfume.

Silence reigned as they stared at each other, the stark realities of their failures singeing the air around them.

"You know?" he whispered, not taking his eyes from her.

Hinata schooled her features and nodded. "I heard a woman whisper your name in the marketplace. When you left our bed, I knew you were going to see her."

Gaara nodded, accepting her answer, and revealing no emotion or signs of guilt. Hinata's anger built with her pain.

"When you were in a coma. When I _put_ you in a coma, she came to me." He said. "I could sense that she would accept it, accept me and the pain that would be dealt. She offered herself to be my release, the tool in which I used to control myself. "

Hinata said nothing, only walked closer to her husband.

"When you finally woke up it was long over. I had a new resolve. Laying with her made me sick, but I did what I had to do."

Hinata was quiet as she leaned against her husband's desk. "Even if this was true. Why did you come to her tonight? I thought we were trying to fix this, fix _us_. And you leave our bed to see—" Her voice cracked and she shook her head, finally breaking eye contact. Tears clogged her throat and filled her eyes. No amount of Hyuuga training had prepared her for this type of pain.

"If I had not come, she would have pushed me until I rekindled the affair or worse. I came here because of what you and I have. I did not have sex with her."

"That's a lie." Hinata shot out. "As if I cannot smell her on you!"

Gaara nodded again, expressionless. "Yes. She touched me. I forced her away Hinata. I made a promise to you. I intend to keep it." The first edge had come into his voice as they stared each other down.

Hinata shook her head. "There is no need. We've failed each other Gaara. It's clear to me now that no matter what we do...we just don't belong together. We'll kill each other if we continue to try."

Gaara stood, anger seeping into his features and tensing his body. "If you truly believe that then we never had a chance in the beginning."

Silence fell between them. It was Gaara who rounded the table first, needing to be close to her. She didn't flinch away when he touched her cheek with the back of his palm.

"We've wronged each other for too long, Hinata. Don't stop trusting me now just because you're scared and still angry over the past."

Hinata shrugged. "I'm sorry, Gaara. I don't think that this time..."

This time Gaara didn't fight when she pulled away from him and walked to the door.

"How can you tell me you love me and not expect me to hurt over this? So many things you've done, but I would never have expected for you to go outside our marriage. Never."

Gaara could do nothing but stare at the door. The look in her eyes when she discovered them pierced his soul, though he doubted a soul was what he had. The look in her eyes told her she had given up.

...

It was close to dawn when she heard him enter her room; the night was at its darkest, and shadows compounded shadows. He was well aware that she was awake, and aware that she knew he was with her, despite his silent steps. For a moment Gaara stared at the abyss between them. The abyss they had created for themselves. Hinata should have been rid of him a long time ago, he thought to himself. Hell, Gaara would never hesitate to admit that he cursed the day she met him. Had she not met him, fallen for him, she would never have been raped or abused or betrayed. She would have been happy and a light with radiance that he longed to see on her skin again. Now she was just pale, and tired, as if her very life was draining from her with each night. With a sigh, Gaara thought it probably was.

He could see it all now. What would happen if this night turned out poorly. Gaara would never hurt her, his beast was under control forever now. However, he felt she was leaving. Going back to the moon that lights her skin.

"What?" Hinata's voice sounded confused as she opened her eyes and stared at him. He did not realize he had said that last part aloud, but that mattered little to him.

The pain reflecting in her lavender eyes was more than he could bear to stomach. He needed this woman. He needed her and he hurt her. He approached, and was unsurprised by the sudden tension in her body or the wariness in her eyes.

"You are going back to the moon." He whispered, now standing over her. The last thing he wanted to do was intimidate her any further, and he dropped to his knees without a word. The pain that shot up his joints was oddly comforting to him. It helped him focus on the pale woman who had stolen his heart.

Hinata wondered briefly if he was mad. She did not rise from her bed or touch him. She just lay on her side staring at him.

"What moon?" She inquired, searching the depths of the green eyes, usually flat to outsiders, but expressive now.

Gaara's eyes travelled over her skin. Even now, after his betrayal that was still ripping its way through her body, he had such a strong affect on her body.

"Your skin, Hinata," He whispered, leaning over to inhale her scent. "It is beautiful. A reflection of your spirit. Do you remember how your skin shined for me, Hinata? Shined in the moonlight..." he whispered.

For awhile she was silent and rolled over onto her back, staring at the ceiling. His words caressed her skin as if they were his hands; she could not let this distract her though. Her body was her enemy, along with her heart.

"I don't know what I should do, Gaara. When does the pain end?" She whispered, talking more to herself than to him. In reality, it mattered little what Gaara said to her anymore.

Another heavy silence fell, and then Gaara responded.

"I know I am a monster, and I do not deserve you, but before you continue to condemn our marriage and me, you should remember that I had sex with her to outlet my rage, find control, and I pushed her away this night because I had you here, waiting for me in our bed." He spoke as he rose.

Hinata looked up at him. "You had me before. Was that not enough?" That was her biggest fear. Not being anything more to Gaara than a punching bag and body for sex. Though she no longer believed he would hit her, his recent neglect had left her vulnerable to the latter fear once more.

This time and without seeking her consent, Gaara lowered his body over hers. On his hands and knees above her, his presence caged her.

"Did I, Hinata? Have you then?" His glare was intense; he knew the answer to the question. He did not have Hinata then. He had a prisoner, a woman as untouchable to him as she was vulnerable to his bouts of madness.

She stared back at him, just as intense. "You did not have me? I was practically chained to your whims. Even when you hurt me I still..." her voice fell away and she shook back the tears climbing in her eyes. "Just go, Gaara. Please, get off of me and leave."

Gaara reared back as if slapped. The look on her face was resigned, and when she rolled to her side, staring once more out of the window, he knew he had lost this battle. And that was what this was, he realized then. It was a war. Too many mistakes had been made, and while she had made mistakes as well, she had only been responding. Predator and prey. Aggressor and victim.

Slowly, he bent down to her, desperately clinging to the hope that sparked in him when her body did not stiffen. She did not fear him. He touched her hair, and after gently exposing her cheek, placed a soft kiss on her skin. He said no words as he stood from her bed and walked away from her. His love was there in the gentleness he gave her in that moment. Gaara knew it was too soon to try to further explain to Hinata his reasons for his affair, or his neglect. He could only pray that she would come to understand his need to protect her from the world and from him.

He quietly fell onto his bed, fast asleep before his head hit the pillow.

...

**I know it has been awhile folks, but I did not want to continue with this story until I was sure the ending and finished the story. And since the release of this chapter all of you can draw the conclusion that I am done! Finally after...how many years? Haha. Updates will be posted over the next week or so. Still got Christmas to do and tinsy bit of tweaking! Anyway, I am glad for those who have stuck by me, and I am sorry for letting this go for so long. Btw- next chapter...well next chapter if you don't hate me already...you will. **


	12. Just the Need

The desert sand was hot on his face when Gaara woke up. With a harsh groan as he stirred from his bed, he wiped away the evidence of his sleep from his face as he turned his face from the sun. Staring at the plain walls, his thoughts immediately drifted to his wife. Despite the event s of last night, his mouth quirked up in a half smile as he thought of her. Her midnight hair, moonlight skin, and bright clear eyes that looked as if the moon itself shone in them. Pretty pink mouth that he knew felt like satin against his skin. The lush curves of her body that told any and every person who looked at her that she was not built to be a ninja, but to be a woman. She was built for passion and tender touches. Touches Gaara had rarely given her.

With a painful exhalation Gaara raised himself from the cool sheets of his bed. Even now, he needed her. Needed the comfort of spirit against his. He was a monster, he would never deny it. For only a monster could do as he did, blackouts and demons be damned. The truth was a painful thing he could not run from.

Gaara was a weak man.

You are weak. He told himself, as he avoided his reflection in the hanging mirror in the hall as he stood outside his wife's closed door.

He had been too weak to keep his demon from hurting her.

He had been too weak to let her escape him.

He had been too weak to stop himself from losing himself in another woman.

These truths only rang louder in his head as he opened his wife's bedroom door.

She wasn't there.

Gaara's eyes quickly scanned the area of her bedroom. Everything was spotless. Her bed was perfectly made and the room held no sign of her, not even her scent. Fear like Gaara had never known surged through him. Reaching out with his senses, he could tell there was no trace of Hinata anywhere. Spreading his chakra out even further, ice began to ran in veins. For Hinata was not within ten miles of him. Not one trace. Leaving the only possibilities that could make Gaara truly afraid.

Hinata was dead.

Or she had well and truly left him.

….

Hinata ignored the heat of the high noon sun as she ambled through the rocky desert of Suna. She was unsure just how long she had been walking. It had been since dawn at least. The first rays of the morning light stole her from her sleep. The pain and memories it brought with it after those first glorious seconds had her abruptly moving around. First straightening her room, then dressing herself. Whatever was necessary to occupy herself from her thoughts.

She felt like a wounded animal, dragging its way to shelter, except there was none to be found. AS her eyes listlessly scanned the desert she confirmed her belief that there was never a shelter for her. Not here in this desert, or back in her home. Not even did her former village strike her as any type of shelter. It was there where the first betrayal started. She highly doubted returning there would end any more form occurring.

So she continued to walk under the sun's raging heat. Her clothes stuck to her skin, and her limbs ached from the hours of use. Finally, Hinata came to a rock formation that held just enough shade for her weary body to drink in.

Hitting the ground hard as she plopped down, she ignored the spark of pain that shot up her spine. Her leaned back and rested against the red dusty rock and she closed her eyes against the endless sea of red rock and blue sky.

"Gaara…"

His name hurt her chafed throat even further. The man who had taken her away from the abusive shadow of her father. The beast that had put her in his own. She almost wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Her relationship with Gaara was comical if nothing else. Not even she could claim she understood it.

The demon abused her. The man neglected her. Both sought to own her. And still, somehow she loved him. She somehow kept taking him back and letting it happen all over again. Somehow, after every cruel taunt and punishing grip, she would love him anyway. She had no doubt she was loved. But she also had no doubt that the love that they shared in the beginning had become some dark and twisted thing.

With that last painful thought, the heat and exhaustion pulled her into their abyss.

…

Temari looked down in sadness as she stared at the little woman who had possessed her brother. Temari knew she should contact him immediately and let him know that Hinata was safe. She had been in the midst of perusing the market when she heard a terrible roar that froze the feet of every man, woman, and child in the village. For a fleeting moment, Temari feared that the beast of Suna had returned. However, the roar that echoed the first was one of pain, and she had rushed to her brother's side only to find him on his knees in his home.

"_She's gone, Temari." The hoarse whisper was all that could be forced from the wounded throat._

"_Gone?" Temari was afraid and confused. "What's happened?"_

_Gaara could only stare at the floor. "She knows what I did."_

_Temari did not need an explanation to know what he was talking about. She had known all along about the woman who had visited Gaara while Hinata was comatose. She would have killed the bitch herself had it not been for Gaara's suppression of his madness. _

"_You told her that bitch fixed you, didn't you?" She asked, knowing that if Hinata had been led to believe that it was that woman that suppressed his beast would hurt her more than anything._

_Gaara ignored her as if she had never spoken. "I need her."_

_Her words in response had been harsh. "And what makes you think you deserve to have her back? After everything you have done to her. The only thing you have ever seemed to need her for was to break her."_

_Gaara physically flinched from her words. "I know…I just need to know she's safe. I can't bear the thought if anything happened to her."_

_Temari spun around then, her own anger at her inactions and her brother churning her stomach. "Yeah, as long as she isn't her by you, you mean."_

Pushing back the memory, Temari kneeled in front of Hinata and checked her pulse. She breathed a sigh of relief as she realized the woman was alive, but that very breath stalled in her throat as blade was suddenly pressing into her throat.

Her eyes widened as she stared down into Hinata's face. The woman had awoken, and no emotion could be read from her face.

"Temari." She breathed as recognition entered her features, but the weight of the knife did not lesson. "What are you doing out here?"

Temari smiled, despite the threat of death. "I could ask you the same thing."

Hinata stared at her for one last moment before she dropped her blade and leaned back against the rock.

"Gaara has found me gone." It was not so much a question as a statement, but Temari nodded anyway.

"You could say that."

Hinata's face briefly contorted in pain as she wrapped her arm around her knees. "He was with someone, Temari."

The pain in her voice had Temari's chest echoing in response. "I know."

"What am I going to do? I want to die. I want to kill." The words were ground out as Hinata lived her eyes up to green ones.

Temari stood and held out her hand to the younger woman. "Take my hand, Hinata. I cannot promise to fix your pain, but the least I can do is give you answers and a drink."

Hinata simply stared up at her sister-in-law. She took the hand, telling herself that if she was dragged back to Gaara it wouldn't matter.

He couldn't hurt her any more than he already had.

…

Temari brought Hinata to an old tavern, a few miles outside the city. After ordering both of them water to drink, Temari led Hinata to a small booth.

Silence reigned between them until the waitress brought their waters and they had each consumed half of their portion.

Finally, Temari looked up at Hinata.

"That woman did not fix Gaara's demon."

The words were the last thing that Hinata expected and her eye searched Temari's face.

"What are you talking about?"

Temari sat back and sighed. "I knew the moment Gaara started using that bitch that when you found out, the betrayal would not be with the act itself, but with the assumption that their coupling suppressed his rage. Something your love for him has never seemed to be able to do."

The words bit into Hinata's already raw soul and her nails bit into the wooden table. She could not deny what Temari had said. It hurt her deeply to know that while her love and patience could not stop Gaara's fits, but a stranger had.

"So what are you saying?" She said after a few moments. "If this woman is not the reason why he is now able to control himself than tell me what is."

Temari sighed and shook her head. "When Gaara's demon was removed, none of us expected the ramifications it would have on his psyche. Even before your relationship began, he would have these awful blackouts where he would wake up completely disoriented and with the realization that he had hurt someone. Gaara's demon was not through with him. IT wasn't until you came along did I think there was any hope from saving him. He seemed to be so fiercely protective and attracted to you and even the blackouts stopped."

"But they didn't, Temari. Whatever was left of his demon raped me." The words were hard to say, but the truth was never easy.

Temari flinched, but nodded her assent. "Yes, and after you were brought here it didn't stop. I wish I would've done something, but I was desperate for the hope that your presence would calm him. Save him from himself."

Temari stared at the woman before. The rage and the pain that was reflected in her eyes. It hurt that she had been a part of this.

She cleared her throat as the intensity of Hinata's pain forced her eyes to her drink. "In any case, after that last time when Gaara hurt you, I swear I have never seen him so terrified in his life, so desperate and in pain. It was as if someone had ripped out his heart and was telling him he only had a 20 percent chance of winning it back. Your coma hit him harder than anything, especially since he had caused it, Hinata. And when that woman came under the guise to be his outlet. I knew he would take it. You have to understand he would've done anything at that point to fix himself so you could be safe."

Her words made Hinata sick. She could barely stomach what she was hearing, and to hear Gaara tobe anything other than indifferent to her pain was even worse.

"It doesn't change anything." She whispered.

For the first time during the conversation, anger sparked in Temari's eyes. "Perhaps not. What Gaara has done is wrong, and if he were any man of mine I would have had him gelded. But I ask that you hear me out until the end." After a heartbeat of silence, Temari took it as assent and continued.

"Gaara was with that chit once." She said and delighted in the response. Hinata's quick intake of breath and stiffening of her body gave Temari a shred of hope.

"Only once. And he was sick for days after. He couldn't talk to anyone or perform his duties. He couldn't even bear to be near you after what he had done. A week later, he had stumbled out of his rooms a changed man Hinata. He immediately set about designing and ordering your new home built. He visited you daily. Reading to you. Listening to breathe. There was not an ounce of darkness around him, except for the guilt over your injuries."

Hinata could barely believe what she was hearing. She had assumed that Gaara was with this woman multiple times. But to hear it was only once, and he could not force himself to repeat the experience made her question his earlier words.

"It was not the whore that suppressed his beast finally. It was his love for you. I love he had no idea how to handle until that woman threw herself on him. It was the realization that nothing could fix what he had done, except you loving him. That is what he has been after. That is what has kept the remnants of his monster from attacking you."

Her words were said with such determination that Hinata knew Temari spoke the truth. Temari was no fool and wise to men. Hinata trusted her insight, but still…the pain barely lessened.

Hinata sat in silence. Processing what she had been told. She stared at her husband's sister.

"So what do you suggest I do? Take him back. After everything? Take him back?" She said, not capable of holding her anger back.

Temari clenched her jaw. "I cannot make that choice for you, but you should remember that you have held yourself so far from him for so long. You have hid yourself, and he has lost hope. There is no greater harm that you can inflict on him that you haven't already."

The abrupt words sent Hinata off the edge, and her body quickened in rage. "What I have done to him! have done nothing but take what he has dealt and loved him anyway."

Temari threw her head back and laughed. "Love him? Both of you are fools. You love each other, but treat each other so cruelly." Temari shook her head. "You may love him, despite his transgressions. But let's be honest. You have held yourself away from him. Too afraid to be hurt to truly give what he has needed. You say you love him, but you have never let him live down the fact that the moment you have an opportunity would run from him. Spit on his efforts to win your love, and now that you know that he has been with someone you have latched on to a reason to leave without hesitation. Gaara is a human, Hinata and has made more mistakes than most. But he has never done anything to make you doubt that he has tried his best. You cannot say the same for yourself."

Hinata was stunned by the vehemence of Temari's words. They silenced the pity retort she had on her tongue and forced her to wonder if the older woman was right.

Had she been waiting for Gaara to mess up? After all, it is not as if Gaara had betrayed her since she had woken up. Her feelings left her so confused and jumbled.

Temari took pity on the pain Hinata radiated. Nothing she said now would help her. Hinata had to process this and make a decision. So again, Temari stood and held out her hand.

"Come on, Hinata. I may not be able to heal you, but I know a man who can. If you let him."

Hinata hesitated. "How do I get past this?" She whispered, more to herself than Temari.

Temari answered anyway. "Maybe you will. Maybe you don't. Just go to him. Even if it's one last time."

Her words rang so loud in Hinata's ears that there was nothing else to be heard. Not the pain or the rage. Just the need.

Just the need.

And her decision was made.


End file.
